Three Harmful Habits You Should Drop Today
Do you harbour a grudge?
Spend time going over things long after they happened?
Three habits guaranteed to do nothing but waste your time and energy and wear you down. Like many of the negative emotions on our spectrum, they contribute nothing positive to your life
I read a fantastic blog post this week, which illustrated this point beautifully, using the powerful medium that is a story.
The post was on my friend Mike Smiths blog so why not head over there right now and see what I’m talking about…
Go, on! Click the link here and go and read it for yourself
I didn’t really get caught up in the Olympic fever, but one story really resonated with me because it reaffirmed one of my strongest beliefs. Whilst this is no surprise given the way our unconscious filters in the things which fit in with our beliefs and values, as I explained briefly in a post on my other blog, it still feels good when it happens!
It’s my belief that every child has a seed of greatness in them, that if nurtured and cherished will blossom.
Not everyone will go on to be an Olympic champion, but they can go on to be the very best version of themselves and that’s all any of us can hope for.
Here’s the story, taken from Sky News….
“While 80,000 people in the London Olympic stadium held their breath, wondering if Mo Farah could become the first Brit to ever win gold in the 10,000m, one man had no doubt.
Alan Watkinson, Farah’s PE teacher and the man he credits with turning his life around, knew he’d be a champion from the age of 11.
“He was a lively kid,” Alan recalls with a wry smile. “He was swinging from the goalposts and doing all sorts of crazy things in lessons but he loved PE. He loved sport, he loved to be active and that was something that needed to be harnessed.”
Farah came to south west London at the age of eight, an asylum seeker from Somalia.
In a mainly white school he stood out and the language barrier didn’t help matters.
Farah came to the UK from Somalia as an asylum seeker when he was eight
He fell behind in lessons and started to get into scrapes, but Alan spotted Mo’s talent and persuaded him to try athletics.
Back then, Mo was more interested in football than running, and Alan had to resort to bribes to motivate him to win competitions.
“I said if you win the English Schools (he had come ninth the year before) I’ll buy you a football kit. And he did win the English Schools.
“So before the Olympic final yesterday, I sent him a text message saying ‘If you win I’ll buy you a football kit’.
“He hasn’t sent me a text back yet so hopefully he won’t expect it!”
Far from being just another teacher in Mo’s past, Alan has stayed close friends with the long distance runner, even standing as his best man at his wedding.
Watching his protege cross the line in the Olympic Stadium was an experience Alan says he will cherish.
“I was jumping up and down and screaming. The people next to me must have thought who’s this guy? What’s he doing?
“It was just a remarkable feeling. From knowing him 17, 18 years ago and seeing him develop from that youth who had a few troubles at school but who was charming and good humoured … to see him go from that to the stadium in London was just … you couldn’t make it up.
“Tears were rolling down my cheeks, I don’t think I even saw him go across the finish line I was so emotional.”
He’s gone from a mischievous child to an Olympic champion, but Mo Farah can’t relax yet – he’s scheduled to compete in the 5,000m final next week.”
Isn’t that a wonderful story!
Not everyone is lucky enough to have a teacher like Alan Watkinson. Many don’t even have a friend or parent to believe in them.
What I would like to say to you if you have grown up feeling unloved, unworthy and unfulfilled is..
It’s never too late!
At any moment in life we all have choices. Choices to do, say, think, feel and be what we will. It may not always be easy to make the right choice and your race may be starting way before the start line, but the past does not equal the future.
You can build a great life despite a poor start.
You can be so much more than you know if you will just give yourself a chance.
Mo Farah became an Olympic Champion with the help of his PE teacher, who saw and nourished that seed. You can become a more brilliant version of yourself by routing out and cherishing your own shoots of brilliance.
Why not start a new race today.
The race to be the ultimate you, whatever that might mean. Build yourself up and start the journey to the life of your dreams.
I know it can be done because I have been fortunate enough to work with people who have changed their lives around. You can do it too!
You deserve it, all you have to do is believe that, want it and be prepared to make the choices to make it happen.
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I know that I’m sometimes very deliberate in my parenting and I am aware that I might go on a bit sometimes to make my point, but let’s face it, no-one teaches you how to parent do they? You don’t get a guide book on ‘Good Parenting for Kids’ or how to acquire the necessary parenting skills with your first born! We all hear lots about bad parenting and I don’t want to fall into any of those traps. I probably drive my children mad! Positive parenting I like to call it, and those moments when they naturally demonstrate a lesson I know I’ve purposely taught them, make it all worthwhile!
A couple of weeks ago, whilst camping with my children, our great British Summer weather struck and our tent was destroyed. Not just buckled a bit, or frayed; completely and irrevocably broken.
We were in a museum avoiding the rain when I got a call from the camp-site to tell me. It was one of those moments where time starts speeding round in your head and at the same time standing still, or so it seems. Part of me wanted to panic, cry and ask someone else what to do. Part of me wanted to laugh. Yet another part wanted to stamp my foot, cross my arms and shout “It’s so unfaaaaair!” To begin with I did none of these – thankfully!
I have trained myself to look for learnings everywhere in life and so once I’d got into the car and started driving, my brain switched into ‘Ok, what can we get from this mess then?’ and I put on what my Dad always called my ‘determined head.’
Sure enough, the tent was destroyed, but the camp-site owners gave us shelter that night in their ‘Campers Lounge’ (a lot like a big shed!) and we collected another tent the next day. The immediate problem of where to sleep was solved. In a way, that became irrelevant. What was important to me, was that the boys see that I wasn’t defeated and that we could find a solution. We stayed positive and we still had fun. We turned a disaster into an adventure.
Yesterday, my eldest was stringing some green beans, with my ‘safe’ bean stringer. He pushed instead of pulled and deftly sliced off the side of his thumbnail! ouch! Without much fuss, he then continued, only to slice the top off of his other thumb!
I tended to his wound – it was pretty deep – and told him to go and sit down and that I’d finish the beans. He said “No. “I won’t be defeated by this mum!” and having sussed out that the problem was his technique – he was pushing the stubborn beans onto the blade rather than pulling them through – and in doing so stringing his thumbs too! – he finished them off.
“Great attitude” was all I said, but it was one of those positive parenting moments for me and I was grinning inside. I always try to encourage the children to look for other ways to do things and above all, to never give in, and this little episode was great proof that my message is hitting it’s target somewhere!
The quote in the picture is from an 18th Century French writer and philosopher, Denis Diderot. Funny isn’t it that some things remain true no matter what the era you live in. Charles Darwin talked about ‘survival of the fittest’ but I think it’s much more accurate to say survivors are those best geared for adaptation.
In my work as a coach and when writing my books, I see my role as being to guide my clients/readers through change, to a more empowered and enlightened position. Interestingly, one of the first questions I am often asked is “Why do I need to change?” My answer is always the same!
Your current mindset, skill set, perspective, habits and behaviours have got you to where you are today. If you are looking for a coach, then I’d guess it’s because there is an aspect of your life that you’re not entirely happy with. If that is the case, then at least one of those things needs changing!
For many people the fear of change is so great that it over shadows their dislike of things the way they are.
Do you fear change? Do you find reasons and excuses why you can’t have, do or be something more than at present? Not enough time, not enough money, too many demands already, don’t deserve it, it’s too expensive/good/decadent for me… the list goes on, but in the vast majority of cases it comes down to the same old things. Low self esteem and/or self worth and fear.
Perhaps the first change you need, is to change the way you view change! That’s almost a tongue twister isn’t it! You need a change of perspective. The way you think and feel about change will determine your success rate and be the deciding factor in whether you even begin the process. Does the word change sound like a death knell to you? tie your stomach in knots and make it difficult to think clearly through the ensuing mental fog? or does it sound like an invitation to have fun, feel great and make progress towards a brighter future and achieving your goals?
Change doesn’t have to be scary. It can be liberating, exhilarating and life changing. It doesn’t mean you have to stop being who you are or change all the great things about you; it means doing more of those and being and even better version of yourself!
What one thing would you like to change if you could and what’s holding you back? I’d love to hear so please do leave a comment below.
As parents we constantly put our children first, often going without ourselves in order to give to them the best we can. We do this because we love them and want to be the best parents we can.
If I was to say to you, that you may be creating all kinds of problems for your children and even limiting their potential, you may think me rude or harsh. That isn’t my intention. You see your example is perhaps the most important gift and lesson that you will ever give your children. From the day they are born they are watching you and learning from you. Seeing how you interact with others, how you behave in different situations and how much, or little, you value yourself.
Many of the beliefs you now hold as the pillars of your life, you will have taken on from someone around you when you were very young. Someone who may not have known any better. The way you feel about yourself was created when you were too young to understand what was true and what wasn’t, and again, will reflect those who peopled your life.
If you want to be a great role model for your children, and I think almost all parents do even if they’re not sure how, then the best way to begin is by working on yourself.
Freeing yourself from limiting beliefs and increasing your self esteem and confidence will not only enrich your life, it will also set a shining example for your children, one which they can follow and which will allow them to lead more empowered and fulfilled lives.
If you have thought about self improvement and shied away, perhaps through lack of time, lack of motivation or because you ‘just couldn’t see the point’, I’d like to urge you to think again.
Do it for your children or do it for yourself. The results will be the same and you and everyone around you will benefit.
It’s what allows you to feel real emotions when you watch a film or listen to a piece of music and to recall and refeel an event from your memory. It’s also what makes your dreams seem so real, and if you’ve ever had a nightmare or seen someone else experience one, then you know how life like they appear.
Now scientists have found a way to demonstrate the effect on the brain during dreams, using MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) scans and other sophisticated equipment; to prove the point.
Their studies showed quite clearly that the area triggered in the brain by a real action, squeezing a fist, was also triggered when the dreamer dreamed they squeezed their fist. So to the unconscious, there was little, if any, difference between the two.
”Our dreams are therefore not a ‘sleep cinema’ in which we merely observe an event passively, but involve activity in the regions of the brain that are relevant to the dream content,” explains Michael Czisch, research group leader at the Max Planck Institute for Psychiatry.
This helps to explain why techniques like visualisation and hypnosis, therapies like Time Line Therapy™ and other self development tools like dream boards, well formed goals and affirmations work so well; because your unconscious accepts them as real. As far as your brain is concerned, the scenario you just imagined in your head is real. So when you worry about what might happen, you experience all the dread, fear and other emotions as well as the chemical processes within your body, that would arise if it really did happen – for nothing! Just one great reason to focus on positive things and occupy your mind with happy endings!
As well as helping to explain why the techniques which use an element of active imagination work so effectively, this also gives us carte blanche to daydream! So next time you get caught ‘miles away,’ ‘away with the fairies,’ or with your ‘head in the clouds’ you can smugly explain that you are merely dreaming your future into reality!
To read a full report on the findings of the study carried out click here
Time Line Therapy TM is a registered trademark of Tad James, licensed exclusively to the Time Line TherapyTM Association, Inc.
I read a really interesting piece today on what ‘s called the Nocebo effect, whereby people suffered real side effects when given placebo drugs. In other words, they had a real reaction to something which could not cause this reaction. The nocebo effect occurs when people experience unpleasant side effects, from medicine or a medical intervention, after being told to expect them. It’s a bit like the opposite of the placebo effect, where the patient has positive results from taking something inert and differs from hypochondria, or health anxiety, whereby the sufferer imagines his or herself to be ill.
This has been known about since the 1970′s, when a man told he had a few months to live due to a liver tumour died as expected. Less predictable was the fact that the post mortem revealed that his tumour was actually much smaller than had been diagnosed and the cancer was not in fact serious enough to have been fatal. It was as though he’d died because he expected to.
A study more recently conducted has now shown, that you are more likely to suffer the possible side effects of medication for example if you know in advance what they are. Reactions from headaches to nausea, dizziness to skin rashes were seen in the study. Pretty much anything you might find listed in a packet of pills.
What this shows is that the mind is able to create real and unpleasant physical symptoms from mere suggestion and pessimistic expectation. The article went on to suggest that many modern day ailments may be caused in part by this phenomenon. Things like headaches usually attributed to electronic equipment and PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) it suggested, may be due in part at least to your negative expectation. In other words, you create a self fulfilling prophecy. You expect to feel ill and so you do!
Personally, I never read the contra-indications or possible side effects on medicine before I take it! and interestingly, I’ve only ever reacted badly to one – an allergy to an antibiotic.
I had a client however, who seemed to get every possible side effect, regardless of what the medication was for, and yes, they did read the list before they started and fully expected to suffer the consequences! Perhaps I am just made of resilient stuff, or maybe I am just not giving my mind the unhelpful suggestions to feed on and manifest from….
I’d love to hear what you think of this…..
Spring is well and truly upon us, always a welcome herald of the Summer we hope will follow and a time of new beginnings. Quite a few of my Facebook friends have posted this week that they’ve started, and in some cases finished, their Spring cleaning and that got me thinking.
Many of us, when the temperatures become more appealing, empty out cupboards and clean behind things that haven’t been out since last Spring. We spend hours polishing and wiping out, hoovering and re-ordering to ready ourselves for I’m not sure what. For many it’s just something we do because our mums did it!
So, my question today is, when is it the right time to Spring clean your mind? What one thing could you choose to leave behind, a worry, a resentment, disappointment or guilt that would free you up and make room for a bit more happiness or peace of mind?
We all carry far more mental baggage than we need to.
We worry about things that may or may not happen in the future – but worrying alone about something never changed anything did it!
We feel guilt about things from our past – what’s done is done and feeling all the guilt in the world won’t change it.
We suffer disappointment at either our own or someone else’s action or inaction – again, no amount of stewing on it will change it.
So instead of cleaning out under the stairs, or the shed, or wiping the tops of the kitchen cupboards, why not Spring clean your mind this year?We harbour resentment like a scalding iron to burn our hearts with and let it lead us down the paths of anger, sadness and all the other painful paths I could mention – it won’t change what happened.
Think of all the things that you carry about that pain you. How many could you let go of if you choose to today?
Forgive those who’ve hurt you, not because they deserve it but because you do. Forgiveness is just a way of clearing out that painful memory and freeing yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to give them the space to do it again or that you are saying what they did was OK. Just take that stone out of your pocket and leave it behind. Think about how you can make sure history doesn’t repeat itself and protect yourself for the future.
Forgive yourself for when you’ve messed up. Again, think about what you can do differently next time and then it won’t have been in vain. If you think you’ve hurt someone else, take your courage in both hands and say you’re sorry. That doesn’t mean ‘giving in,’ ‘letting them win,’or ‘saying they were right and I was wrong.’ It just means that you have taken responsibility for your part in the situation and are big enough to acknowledge it. Then you get to let it go! How cool is that. If they are not ready to let it go, that’s in their head not yours.
Change the way you look at things and go into situations and you’ll literally transform your life. You’ll always get the kind of things you expect. Not exactly perhaps, but if you expect things to be a struggle and people difficult, that’s pretty much what you’ll get. It’s unavoidable because of the way your brain works to create your experience and perception.
If you took just one or two things out of your mind and made an effort to be even the tiniest bit more positive or optimistic for just a few weeks, I guarantee you’d notice a difference.
There are lots of exercises in my books to help with this and volume 3 deals with how your unconscious creates your world. Why not download the free extracts available on my website and give it a go. Or, just give yourself permission to make a change today. You have nothing good to lose and when compared with clearing out the shed, a bit of thinking gets my vote every time!
Enjoy the sunshine too!
You just have to love progress don’t you? Well, not always perhaps, but today I am loving this!
This is a scanable (does that word even exist??) QR code for my blog site. I find this kind of technology fascinating. This series of blanks and black spots can be ‘read’ by an app on my iPhone and then take me straight to the web page! So clever!
What’s perhaps even more amazing is that this is not even a fraction of the capability of the human brain. Your eyes can scan a room full of people and pick up all sorts of information about them and your environment. It will then run that instantaneously through your internal filters and decide how you feel and how you are going to react and behave and you’re not even aware it’s happening!
The only problem is that many of your filters were set up such a long time ago that they might no longer be relevant or helpful to you and they might not interpret the information in the best way for you. A bit like scanning this code and it sending you to my Facebook page by mistake!
I’m currently writing my third Self Help Bible book about communication, which looks at the internal processes involved in communication and so finding this code today has given me the inspiration for the next chapter. I don’t believe that these things happen by chance so I’m grateful for this nudge today.
When’s the last time you checked on your internal filters? What if they are making you miss out on some great opportunities? Hmmm, food for thought!
I have been noticing the circles in life for sometime now, you might call them co-incidences or patterns, I call them circles They never fail to delight me no matter how many I spot and this week has been no exception.
At the end of last week, my beloved GHD hair straighteners failed. AGAIN. Julian has managed to repair them several times, but it seemed this time they’d had their ninth life. I was reluctant to spend £100 on a new pair, so as I love the law of attraction, I thought I’d use that instead!
Julian determined that they needed soldering – like last time – but he doesn’t have a soldering iron, hmmm.
To begin with, yesterday morning, I get an offer from Groupon with a vastly reduced pair of ceramic straighteners.
Law of Attraction scores 1. Now, I don’t want to appear ungrateful, they were much cheaper than new GHDs, but they weren’t GHDs – girls I know you’ll understand what I’m talking about! So, I thought I’d see how much a soldering iron would cost. That way I could give Julian a present and he could mend my straighteners, that’s 2 to me I think!
I found a soldering iron for less than the Groupon offer, but, in my usual fashion ummed and aah’d about spending the money. Then, I decided that I’m worth it and went to get them.
Now that’s quite a good story in itself isn’t it? Well, the icing on the cake for me was that the lottery ticket I had in my purse was a winner too! Not the jackpot yet but enough to pay for the soldering kit!
Now you can say that this is just a series of ‘co-incidents’, but for me, it was a lovely example of how circular life is and how our thoughts attract solutions, opportunities and wonderful gifts; and that in itself is a gift.
Add to that that my straighteners are now fully mended and Julian was pleased with a new gadget and everyone’s a winner